December 5, 2024
With dozens and dozens of remakes and remasters releasing every year, I often find myself wondering about which games truly warrant a shiny version of a familiar experience. Some remakes are practically new games they’re so impressively updated, and thus are well worth jumping into all over again. Others make an older game that bit more technically polished and shiny looking, and mean that a new generation can experience a beloved classic. The Thing: Remastered doesn’t really fit into either of these camps though, but I still kind of of love it.
In case you missed it the first time around, The Thing video game follows the story of Blake, an over the top action hero you don’t see much of in 2024, complete with a gruff voice and bad haircut. Set after the John Carpenter film you are sent on a rescue mission to the Antarctic because of nasty mutants that crawl inside the bodies of people for warmth, and it goes about as well as you’d expect. With shady government dealings and dodgy voice acting it’s got all the pieces to be a “so bad it’s good” romp, and on that I’d say it delivers.
In a third-person style you’ll spend your time in The Thing exploring snowy bases, shooting very vaguely intimidating mutants and picking up bits and bobs that’ll help you progress. To call the gunplay passable might be a stretch by modern standards, but with rather generous aim assistance and the help of a few of your military buddies it’s unlikely you’ll die against anything but the most extreme of encounters.
What really made The Thing special back in 2002 were the squadmates you gathered along the way. Coming in three classes (soldier, engineer, and medic) each of these characters can help you in specific situations. You have the ability to kit out these friendly faces with any spare guns you’ve got in your inventory, as well as ordering them to help open doors or go off on little solo missions. Unfortunately these buddies can’t always be trusted though, as there’s always a chance that they’ll be infected.
Supposedly if you’ve got a buddy that has a creepy mutant living inside them you’re supposed to be able to tell by them acting suspiciously, but in practice I didn’t notice this when I played back in 2002 or on my more modern adventure through The Thing: Remastered. If you do suspect your allies of being a mutant host though you can test their blood with a special kit, and if it starts to boil it’s time to fill them full of lead and fire. Even if this whole system is a little janky it’s still pretty exciting when these moments happen and your once upon a time bestie becomes the next baddie to blast.
The trust in The Thing: Remastered goes both ways too, with plenty of characters unwilling to join Blake on his manly mission without first getting proof he’s clean of parasites. Others might just appreciate a firearm gift and some bullets before accepting you as a leader, and in one particular stage there’s a wonderful little friendship puzzle you need to solve to escape a sticky situation which showcases this system perfectly. Admittedly it’s usually a bit more ham-fisted than this, but over two decades ago it was a pretty radical video game mechanic.
As well as trust, your buddies also have to battle the fear of this fairly hopeless situation, as they just aren’t as battle hardened and rugged as Blake. Walking into rooms full of corpses and blood will cause them to shriek that they’re going to die and start them panicking, and only with a bit of careful management and a cheeky adrenaline shot or two will you be able to keep them under control. Like everything in The Thing though, this system is a little rough around the edges, which was displayed perfectly when I threw a grenade outside at a mutant and terrified my two allies into a state of crouching and wobbling. After refusing to move for five minutes in this safe and well lit corridor I had just defended them in, I returned to find them both shooting themselves in the head in a rather surprising and baffling display. While not quite hitting the mark by the standards of today’s bleak games, I have to admit I wasn’t expecting it in this slightly daft military brodown.
Although far from perfect I must admit I was really enjoying my time with The Thing: Remastered, at least until the last third of the game where most of the mutant enemies were replaced with boring soldiers. Using your array of underwhelming weapons on the same two types of dunderheaded guards gets old fairly quickly, and means things end with more of a whimper than a bang.
More than anything, though, The Thing: Remastered just feels dated. Even outside of the combat there’s the fact that you don’t have a map to help you find your way, or even an objective to follow after it flashes up in the corner once then fades away. So many stages involved me walking down every single corridor multiple times before realising I was supposed to walk back to the entrance to finish the level, and it gets old fast.
Despite all its issues though I can’t deny I enjoyed playing The Thing: Remastered. The new visuals, while not exactly gorgeous, are much crisper and more pleasant to look at than the PS2 ones, and the campy voice acting and interesting (if not particularly well implemented) ideas were compelling enough to drive me to the credits in a single afternoon. If you didn’t play the original game it’s hard to recommend you jumping into a title this dated, but if you’re looking for a weird little nostalgia trip you’ll likely have a much less frosty reaction to this curious tie-in game of the past.
A bizarre remake of a bizarre game
Dealing with untrustworthy allies is interesting if a little janky
The bad voice acting is very entertaining
A nice visual upgrade
None of the systems quite work as they should
The gunplay is really dated
The lack of map and poor level design is a painful combo
The soldier enemies are dull
The Thing: Remastered is a weird nostalgia trip that is fairly dated, but remains compelling enough to see through to credits.