Goat Simulator: Remastered review

The minds at Coffee Stain need to be studied by scientists. Whoever came up with the idea of making a game where you play as a goat and go about throwing people off buildings, blowing up gas stations, riding a bike, and causing untold destruction for fun is unhinged. However, this begs the question of who is crazier, the person who created it, or the person who plays it? Goat Simulator: Remastered returns to where Pilgor began her journey to Goatville, space, and beyond, and gives players another chance to live their dreams as a horned farm animal.

I remember the exact moment I played Goat Simulator for the first time. My daughters were looking for something new and I was intrigued by the title alone. We bought it and then spent the next few hours laughing as we strapped a rocket to Pilgor and flew off a building, hitched a ride with a reckless driver by sticking my tongue on its windscreen, and riding on a rollercoaster before diving off into the ocean below. It isn’t about serious questing or deep storytelling. There’s not a serious bone in its body. Nope, you are simply a goat who can do whatever the hell you want.

Goat Simulator: Remastered brings with it every piece of DLC previously released, paying homage to games like Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Skyrim, Star Wars, Day Z, Payday, and Bully. Now together in one complete package, you can take the ridiculousness to other realms, via other means of anarchy. The original Goat Simulator wasn’t a particularly large area to explore, but these offer new ways to have fun and laugh uncontrollably at the humour on display. Coffee Stain knows how silly it is, and decided to make it as ridiculous as possible.

In terms of visual improvements, textures look much sharper. Environments are much more detailed than they were before, and it’s clear from the moment you jump in. Goat Simulator: Remastered is also a lot brighter, with lighting highlighting the new details Coffee Stain has fitted into the world. While it still has some bugs, there’s nothing that’s going to stop you having a blast. The best way to enjoy yourself is to give in to the craziness and take nothing seriously because when you do, there’re plenty of ways to keep yourself entertained.

Goat Simulator 3 offered players quests and environmental puzzles to solve, whereas this is more about finding your own goal. You’ll likely fall off after a few hours, but it’s a perfect palate cleanser when you just want to chill out. Think of it as a virtual stress ball or punch bag. One thing it does well is give you the tools to enjoy yourself without asking for anything in return. There are plenty of Easter eggs to multiple franchises, too. One of the first things I did was go back to the sewers and find the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Turdles, and there they were, looking more buff than before!

One way in which gameplay is kept feeling fresh is the wealth of Mutators there are. These can be equipped in an easy to access menu that might change Pilgor’s appearance or add new abilities. Ever wanted to eat something then poop out a melon of turn yourself into an egg? Well now you can. There are tons to be unlocked across all the DLCs as well, and you can equip them in any game within Goat Simulator: Remastered, making these Mutators a kind of in-game goal for those that want to see everything this bizarre and beautiful game has to offer.

Goat Simulator: Remastered isn’t for everyone, but there’s no denying it offers hours of enjoyment for a wide range of players. My kids adore this series, and have easily put in over 100 hours into it since they started playing four years ago. It’s the perfect game to play together, and we have gone back to the series whenever we need a pick me up. With the added visuals giving it a much better look than it had before, a wealth of DLC to enjoy, and a faster and clearer way to access mutators, it makes sense to grab it and enjoy all the silliness available at your fingertips.