Freezer Pops review

I end up playing a lot of lewd games, and I’d say there’s generally a theme. The focus is almost always on the breasts and bottoms of female characters, and I have to admit I find it a bit tiresome. Well it’s Pride month, so all the horny straight boys can get to the back of the line. Freezer Pops is a Brazilian gay dating sim, full of muscular men and steamy scenes.

Alexandre is a fairly introverted student learning to make video games, who’s world is shaken when the government announces that university scholarships are being cancelled to fund public transportation. Without any money to pay the rent, a chance viewing of a cooking show inspires him to make the titular freezer pops and sell them on the beach. This financial endeavor leads our hunky hero to meet all manner of characters, and if he’s lucky he might even find love.

Freezer Pops is a very straightforward visual novel. You’ll read a lot of text, and every so often you’ll make a choice. There’s only ever two options to pick from, but they have a huge implications on the story. Usually they’ll involve whoever you’re trying to woo at the moment, and if you don’t do the right thing to impress them then you’ll never get your happily ever after.

Most dating sims have a fairly vast selection of lovers to pick from, but in Freezer Pops you just have two. This means it’s a pretty simple decision you’ll have to make – do you go for the chiseled athlete who also plays video games in his spare time, or the big bear of a lawyer who will cook his way into your heart? I obviously followed my stomach (as I always do) the first time around, but it’ll take you under two hours to play through the game so you might as well experience both.

Let’s get to the main event though. We all know why you’re here, and that’s the adult content. Freezer Pops is so packed full of sexy scenes, that I’m convinced it’s the closest a video game has ever come to just being gay erotica. Before you romance your hunk of choice you still have urges, so there are a couple of masturbation scenes (not with any full frontal nudity, but you see a lot of flesh and finish with a squelshy semen sound effect). Of course if you romance your man right you’ll have some fun with him too, so there’s some real incentive to pick the right options!

In case you haven’t realised, this is an incredibly gay game (and I would know!). The world of Freezer Pops is a rainbow dream, with every app containing a gay pun, and characters exclaiming “Oh my Gaga!” at every opportunity. It’s refreshing to play a game that’s so openly and extravagantly gay, and there’s even a heartfelt dedication to the Brazilian LGBTQIA+ community after the credits.

A really handy feature that should be mentioned is the rewind function. It’s a tiny little addition, but so often when playing a visual novel I accidentally skip a line of text, and miss out on some of the story. It’s even better when you’re making a tough choice, because you can just cheat and do it again if you want to. No shame to all my cheating buddies.

There is one big issue with Freezer Pops, and that’s the writing or more specifically the translation. There are a lot of errors in the writing, and this does detract from the enjoyment. There were more than a few times where I couldn’t understand what was being communicated at all, and just had to shrug and move the text along. In a game where everything is in the writing, it’s hard to forgive this.

It’s also worth reiterating how quickly Freezer Pops is over. There are essentially two endings you’ll want to aim for, and they can both be seen in about 3 hours (maybe less with liberal use of the fast-forward). This won’t be an issue for some, just don’t go in expecting to play the game for more than a couple of sessions.

Freezer Pops is a raunchy dating sim packed full of chiseled men, that unfortunately just doesn’t have the writing to back it up. It’s really nice to have LGBTQIA+ representation in the world of visual novels, I only wish this one was a little higher quality. If all you want is a cheap thrill with a sexy bloke though, you could do much worse.